If not now then when?

Some People Should Flat Out NEVER Work on Their Car

I saw this story on an Audi forum today and had to repost it. Never has an "oil change" story made laugh and feel a little sad at the same time.

You guys might appreciate my story...

So I've decided to start doing my own oil changes on my new car. I purchased Rhino ramps, oil filter, oil, oil filter wrench, a funnel, a creeper (to lay on and roll around) and an oil bucket.

Here's my story:

I drive the car up on the ramps in my garage. The underside of the car has this aerodynamic cap on it that I had to remove... so I was a little frustrated with this. I roll around and try to find all the screws to take this cap off. This takes 20 minutes with a flash light. Once the cover is off, I can't seem to find the oil pan bolt and there seems to be two canisters that look like they could be the oil filter. So I take a guess. Surprise, it works. I start to unscrew the oil pan bolt and position the oil bucket to catch the oil. Little did I know the oil was going to shoot 10 feet beyond the bucket. So I've got a full on Exxon Valdez oil spill in my garage. And that $hit was hott, I started getting burned. So I've got oil on my arm and face. It really sucked. Finally, I get the bucket in place and things are going smooth. I wait another 10 minutes and take off the oil filter and replace the oil pan bolt and install the new oil filter.

Now comes the easy step of putting the cover back on. This took me a good 30 minutes to figure out. It kept falling out of the track and hitting me in the face. Now I'm getting really pissed. Finally, I get it in the tracks and start putting in the screws to keep it in place. The holes are hard to see so I have to use the flashlight. About halfway through the process, the flashlight dies. So I have to get up and run inside to find more batteries.

After getting the cap back on I am faced with the dilemma of pouring the oil in. After putting in about 6 quarts of oil, nothing is showing up on the dipstick. There's no way this car needs more than 6 or 7 quarts of oil, but to show nothing on the dipstick makes me think a ton more oil needs to go in. So I'm thinking nothing is showing up on the dipstick because the car is up on the ramps and tilted at an angle. So I get in the car but I don't start it. I put it into neutral and start rocking the car back and forth to get it off the ramps. At this time, it is important to tell you that NOBODY is home to help me and I'm doing everything in sandals. So I get the car rocking. And I give it one final hard push.

You can only imagine that a car that weighs a few good tons would roll nice and slow down the ramps right? That f###er took off! So I jump in the car and, of course, there is no power since the car isn't on. So I try desperately hard to press the brake down (no power brakes mind you) and I pull the emergency brake. It worked! Not only that, but I was just inches away from ripping off the hood as it would have caught the edge of the house and surely have torn it away. I'm surprised I didn't slip and fall and have the car go past me and into my neighbors house across the street. Seriously. Bad $hit.

That's my story fellas.

Have a good day.

- original post (should be preserved on a "best of" page)